Lamp Door Tongue Fineas trapped Desatysso A Whole Can of Whoop-Ass Push Me Dem Bones Hole Jeffries tube Nalfeshnee Vrock Marilith Molydeus Demon Paintings Blue Door Red Door Water warped Runed door Silvery mist Glabrezu demon Secret Tunnel Undead Adventurers Fortress of Conclusion Push Me Dem Bones Green Tiled room Jeffries tube Trap Stoned mage Medusa Stone Gargoyle Archway Tunnel Black tiled room Fortress of Conclusion

Chapter 15: D. T. P.

"We need flour, and we need another ring." -- Kurik

 
F ineas felt something cold and sticky brush his leg. The invisible demon, its foul secretions darkening the coating of flour to a light brown, was beginning to stir. The demon moved stiffly and reacted slowly: it had spontaneously reanimated as a zombie due to the close proximity of the Negative Material Plane. Fineas hit it with a Lightning Bolt while Zem charged in with his broadsword. It slashed at Fineas with its claws and pincers, knocking him to the floor with serious wounds. Sensing trouble, Rosvenir and Mystical teleported back from the demon's lair to counter the renewed threat.
 
Transcript of the proceedings of the Infernal Revenue Service collection board
Tax deadbeat:Unnamed Glabrezu demon
IRS counsel:Xanlithe, Malfeshnee demon
  
Unnamed Demon: So ya sees, I wus heres in da Abyss and da Negatives Matervical Plane animated my body. So Acerak says he don't owes me nothin for da combat, onna counta I wudn't da one doin da fightin.
IRS counsel: Under the regular tax code, said combat does not contribute to your taxable income. However, it is taxable under the AMT.
Unnamed Demon: Da whozit?
IRS counsel: The Alternative Monstrous Tax, or AMT for short. Under the AMT rules, the two 'C' criticals your body inflicted on the elven mage each incur a minimum tax of 2,000 gold pieces. The 'A' critical also inflicted by your Undead body incurs a tax of 200 gold pieces. Its a progressive scale you understand, so only demons capable of inflicting the more severe criticals pay the higher rates.
Unnamed Demon: But, I don't get no money for dat. Acerak ain't gonna pay me nuttin!
IRS counsel: That is not the problem of the Infernal Revenue Service. You can complain to Orcus if you feel the AMT is unfair.
Unnamed Demon: But, Orcus is dead!
IRS counsel: That is also not the problem of the Infernal Revenue Service.

The Narrator
  Kurik's Repel Undead failed. Reinforced by the powerful negative energies of the Plane, it was all but immune to such spells. More mundane means would have to suffice. To that end Zem slashed at it and Rosvenir cast Flash to blind the creature. Kurik cast Bladeturn III on the prone Fineas to protect him from further attacks while the elf dragged himself away from the carnage. Mystical used Hurling to unbalance the demon while Meilu swept its legs from under it, toppling it backwards into the spherical chamber.
  Zem's Gasvision spell was still active, and he watched as the Undead Glabrezou righted itself and begin crawling up the spherical wall. Unfurling its wings, the demon gave a mighty flap to land on the rim of the chamber. It landed in the middle of the can of whoop-ass as Kurik hit with his battleaxe, Zem's Death Strike inflicted another critical of Slaying, and Meilu's sweep toppled it to the ground.
  The party chopped the zombie to pieces, none large enough to threaten them again. On one of its fingers Kurik discovered a ring. When removed, the body became fully visible. This was how the demon had remained unseen during the battle. Unfortunately the ring carried a curse of enslavement of some sort, and none dared put it on.
  Haer had remained in the demon's lair amongst the offal. He possessed no Teleport spell, and no-one had thought to cast it on him. During the battle he had continued the search for treasure, finding a green stone bust of an unidentified human and a small amount of loot before the rest of the party rejoined him.

Mystical Fortress Map #1
  I held my nose while somebody else opened the trap door in the floor of the demons lair. We crept down the tunnel, the halfling checking for traps while the rest of us watched for ambush. It opened up into a square chamber, where there were twelve humanoid bodies. Their armor and equipment were that of an adventuring party.
  I knew they were undead. How could it be otherwise? Every damn thing in the place becomes Undead when it dies. I for one am getting really sick of fighting Undead. I guess everybody else is too, because Zem and Kurik cast Holy Aura and just stood there in the doorway until the closest six had spontaneously combusted. I cast Telekineses to drag the other six closer. Once all twelve had turned to dust we used Telekineses again to drag out any equipment still in good shape. There was a two handed sword which carried a minor enchantment, and some loot. [Editor's note: the sword is +10]
  We never did enter the room. It was just some sort of trap that killed a prior adventuring party. They probably Gated in anyway: serves them right for messing with forces of which they have no comprehension.

Fortress Map #2 The Narrator
  By this point the constant jabbering of the Dretch had grown quite annoying. Endira stopped her Charming Song, and Rosvenir instead cast Voice of Dominion. His first command was for the bloody creature to shut up. The party inexplicably began referring to the Dretch as the Demonic Telemetry Probe (D. T. P. for short).
  Meilu thoroughly checked the square room using Stonesight, finding no secret doors or other hidden chambers. The adventurers retraced their steps, teleported back through the silvery mist, and descended through the hole in the floor which Fineas had created. This secret tunnel emerged into a hallway at a "T" intersection. To the left the hall ended in a false door concealing some sort of trap. To the right it ran some thirty feet and then turned left.
  Straight ahead the hallway ended in a door. Meilu examined the room beyond using Stonesight. It was a rectangular chamber with four low stone columns spaced evenly in the center. Braziers of coals cast a dim reddish light. In the far wall was an alcove holding a highly detailed statue of a robed human. The statue held one hand before its eyes, as if shielding from something. It very much resembled a human mage trying desperately not to look at a medusa.
  Seeing no reason to face the gorgon, the party turned right and followed the hallway around to the left. It opened into two parallel halls which met at the far end, where a third hall doubled back upon the first two. [Editor's note: see the map inset] Meilu's Stonesight found a tunnel leading from a concealed door in the floor of the intersection.
  At the end of the center hallway was a four armed stone gargoyle, looking very much like one found in the Tomb of Horrors. In front of the statue was a cracked clay pot, the whole coated with a thin layer of dust.

Kurik's report to the Church
  I approached the stone gargoyle cautiously. It was almost identical to one we had encountered in the original tomb, which seems an eternity but was really only two weeks ago. There were a few differences, though. This statue wore a leather collar studded with four black stones about its neck, and was whole and undamaged unlike the one in the Tomb which had an arm broken off.
  Fineas suspected that the gargoyle would at some point come to life and attack. He welded its feet to the floor using a Merge Stone spell. In the original Tomb we placed a gem in each of the remaining three hands, and as it crushed them the statue released a ring from a hidden compartment. I got four gems from Haer to place in the hands of the statue. Nothing happened. Haer then gave me four gems of real value to try, though these had no more effect. I can only imagine how the halfling would have reacted had they been crushed. Since the earlier gargoyle had given us a ring, I had Haer dust the statue with flour and then placed the ring of Invisibility on one of its hands. The statue faded from sight, but remained unmoving. We placed more magic rings on its other fingers, to no avail. I had to Neutralize Curse again to remove the ring from its finger.


Early draft of the RTOH Screenplay 436 INT -- HALLWAY IN FORTRESS OF CONCLUSION -- INDETERMINATE TIME A stony guardian stoicly defends a clay pot at the end of the hall. The torchlight casts stark shadows across its face. [[Note to director: turn those damn arc lights down for this shot!!]] Pull back to see the little demon creeping toward the stone gargoyle. [[Casting: try to get Gilbert Gottfried, or somebody else with no pride.]] The demon climbs up to its chest, and nervously unbuckles the leather collar. As soon as the collar is loose the gargoyle springs to life, throttling the demon. Dretch: Argh! Gggack! Phptt! [[Note: we haven't given the Dretch any actual lines, so it doesn't qualify for speaking part residuals.]] Mystical is prepared, and teleports the demonling to safety. [[Run the script by Sarah Michelle Gellar for the part of Mystical. She's into the whole demon/undead slaying thing, she might go for it.]]

The Narrator
  The Dretch managed to fling the leather collar behind the flailing gargoyle, where it could be retrieved using Telekineses. Haer discovered a hidden compartment in one of the black stones, in which was a slip of paper. It read, "Ahead the lines of access squarely meet, the path to glory is at your feet. --A." This presumably referred to the tunnel under the floor which Meilu had seen. Behind them the awakened gargoyle continued to claw ineffectually at the air, and seemed quite perturbed that it couldn't free its feet. Fineas cast Unstone, turning it instantly to dust.
  Cautiously the trap door was opened, and the party followed a wide tunnel through several turns to emerge in a large chamber tiled with one foot square black stones. There was an archway in one wall, filled with a rolling orange haze. Similar to those in the original Tomb, there were distinctive stones at the base of each side of the arch and a third at the top. The stone on the left side of the archway was of jade, on the right a pearlescent hue, while the stone on top was colored hazel. All three stones began to glow softly as the party entered.
  In the original Tomb, such stones had to be pushed in a particular order to successfully traverse an archway. Having no idea of the proper order, the party determined to make camp for the night and use magic to learn the way. Meilu swept the area with Stonesight. The wall opposite the archway bordered a large room tiled with green stone, each bearing a letter or number. This green room was immediately beyond the massive pit of Undead bones which the party had managed to avoid. Rosvenir cast Commune True to learn the order to push the stones. The answer was surprising: "Order is irrelevant."

  Rosvenir cast Dream IV to know of four things:

Rosvenir's Dream
Standing in a room with black tiles... Walk through the archway... It diverges into two paths... In the first path, the three stones around the arch are not glowing... This path leads to a brilliant blue light... The stones are glowing at the beginning of the second path... This path diverges again, with one branch leading to the green tiled room and the other to the room with the statue... Both rooms are completely empty...

Day 30
  When Desatysso was released from his life of pain, his curse had transferred to Zem. Kurik had neutralized the curse, but only for 22 hours. He had attempted to extend the neutralization when the party made camp, but failed. Zem lay now on the ground, his limbs bound tightly to his sides and his eyes and mouth sewn closed. Kurik said a brief litany to Pandeos and attempted to Neutralize Curse again, this time a more powerful spell which would hold it at bay for weeks. It took three tries, but finally the spell took and Zem was free.
  The Dream indicated that the stones must be extinguished before traversing the archway. Haer experimentally pushed the jade stone, finding that it slid slightly inwards and then ceased to glow. He pushed the pearl on the other side, and Rosvenir the top hazel stone. When all three had been pushed the orange mist dissipated, leaving only a slight distortion in the air where it had been. The room beyond was tiled with blue stones, and held another arch in the far wall. This far arch appeared totally mundane, with no mists or glowing stones.
  Rosvenir sent the Demonic Telemetry Probe through the portal. The Dretch hesitated, then stepped through. A moment later it appeared in the blue room, indicating that there is some sort of magical transport involved. Suddenly something snatched the Dretch and dragged it out of the field of view. Moments later the decapitated head of the poor demonling bounced across the floor and came to rest staring at the adventurers, a pool of greenish blood slowly forming beneath it. A few minutes later the reanimated body of the Dretch shambled over, feeling about until finding its head, and crookedly reattached it. The zombie Dretch staggered out of view.

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